Hamilton Academic

Is 3 really the magic number? Dan Brown’s thrillers, for all their blurring of the lines between myth, legend and fantasy, recognise the numbers 2 and 5 as the most potent of numerals, the number 2 for the male/female opposite and the duality in nature, and 5 for the symbolic pentagram. Its bestseller rival Harry Potter has a lot of 7 references – sum total of 2 and 5, lucky number 7, rather mystical in its context. I personally have a thing for the number 4. I like it for its musical aesthetic. No, seriously.

In sport, 3 is the king – a hat-trick is the ultimate achievement. Or, for British Sport in October, it was the ultimate disappointment. Left teetering on the brink of failing to qualify for Euro 2008, let down at the final push for surprise World Cup glory, and poor Lewis Hamilton denied rookie glory and the prospect of becoming the best racing driver the world has ever seen for, aw, like, ever.

The third and final sporting failure deserves a big round of applause, with tea and medals all round. I’m still coming to terms with the idea of someone the same age as myself being able to outmanoeuvre world champion drivers at incredible speeds on tracks he’s had little to no experience on – he’s got talent and skill way beyond his years.

Now he’s moving to Switzerland. Boos and jeers all round! We hate you Lewis, don’t expect any more support from Blighty!

The knuckle-draggers who protested at his leaving the country are the people Lewis wants to get away from. Journos noted it was ironic he decided to announce his departure the same day Stevenage announced they’re naming a street after him. Let’s face it, that ‘irony’ is in fact perfect justification for Lewis leaving the country. Everyone now wants a piece of the Hamilton bandwagon.

So why Switzerland? Well he’ll be left alone alright, he said himself people just don’t bother you there. But the tax breaks will also stack up highly in his favour. Second round of boos and jeers! Money-grabbing fool.

Well clearly the tax breaks will work in his favour, and he’s already a very wealthy young man, but will that change his outlook on racing? He’s a level-headed and extremely mature person, certainly not the Hooray-Henry champagne swiller Charlie James once was in the 60s. He will get back in his McClaren (with any luck minus the distraction of Senor Alonso) and will be desperate to claim the crown he knows should’ve been his.

Death Of The Football Fans' Weekend

Those who remember The Fast Show as their comedy of choice, which was in its heyday almost a decade ago, will remember with great fondness one of Paul Whitehouse's strongest characters, Ron Manager. The ageing pundit, who cropped up in every series of the sketch show, often went off on a merry old ramble on the good old days of football, with the rose-tinted specs of small boys and jumpers for goalposts recounting the finer points of The Beautiful Game.

While the joke behind the sketch culminated in the fact that Ron was completely barmy about football, enough for him to ramble on about football in general and ultimately forget to offer any sound punditry. Still, he made a better panelist than Graeme Le Saux.

Some of Ron's nostalgia, though, is dear to our hearts. Often, a football fan's entire weekend is carefully crafted around seeing their team in action. Travelling to and from the ground is one aspect to take in to consideration, and a pre-match pint is vital for lubricating the vocal chords, the post-match pint to either revel in victory or drown one's proverbial sorrows in defeat. Throw in the compulsory greasy fry-up breakfast and a plate of beans on toast to tuck in to over Match of the Day and you're left with the perfect knees-up weekend. Isn't it? Wasn't it? Marvellous.

This Saturday, only the two claret armies of Aston Villa and West Ham will have the small pleasure of taking part in the drawn out ritual, as for the first time their game will be the only Premiership game to get underway at 3 o'clock on Saturday. In fact, the only other game that afternoon will be Wigan's trip to Old Trafford, but it's an early start for the Mancunians, with Sky posting a 12.45pm kick off time. Sky have also managed to shift the games at Blackburn, Bolton, Fulham, Liverpool, Man City, Newcastle and Reading to Sunday, while Setanta have also rescheduled Arsenal's game against Sunderland to the Sabbath Day.

It really shouldn't be rant against the premium broadcasters having God-like control over the Premier League, but poorly timed kick-offs are not popular for those who've paid good money to clamber through the turnstiles. The worst game I ever watched was Chelsea against Arsenal, not only because of a ghastly 3-0 defeat for the blues, but because the game kicked off at noon on a Sunday. Then-captain Dennis Wise started off his matchday programme notes with: "12 o'clock? It's a bit early, isn't it?! I usually like to sleep in 'til 12 on a Sunday."

You certainly weren't alone there, Dennis.

Maybe we're reading too much in to it, but the social demographic of football is dependant upon the 3 o'clock kick off. It stems from the working-class fan base of the 18th Century and you can set your watch by it today. If indeed you feel things are getting too deep, I advise you to tune in to Match of the Day this Saturday. Even with an abridged running time of 45 minutes, it'll be interesting to see how Gary Lineker can stretch to pad out just two games and September's Goal of the Month competition. Still, with Mark Lawrenson ready to tear in to the analysis, who needs Ron Manager?