So long, Jose, and thanks for all the eggs

Please forgive this article for writing this in the style of stream-of-consciousness, but there’s been such a flurry of activity this morning it’s hard to shepherd all of one’s thoughts in to a carefully penned article.

This morning I overslept only to be ushered in to the front room, where trying to readjust my eyes to the burning daylight, the news running along the ticker bar was unmistakable; Jose Mourinho and Chelsea were no more. Through a haze of jam on toast and cold tea, names were suddenly flying about, trying to pick out managers who were either:
A) world class and up for the job;
B) out of work;
C) an option if Chelsea needed them; or
D) not even managers, but suitable heirs to Jose’s crown.
And so it began – the first ones were already being bandied about on Sky Sports News; Guus Hiddink listed as favourite. Then came the not-so obvious. Martin Jol could do with a change. Steve McClaren, if England failed to qualify (see previous article). Sven could be drafted in at a push. Colin Calderwood wasn’t having much luck with Forest this season. Even Ghandi was mentioned. Yes, Ghandi. It was very early on in the morning.

As it turned out, his successor is none other than Avram Grant. As the football world frantically consults Grant's entry to Wikipedia for more information on this man seemingly plucked from obscurity, it transpires that he had more than a hand in team affairs while Jose was in charge.

Which leaves us with speculation on where Jose will go next - frankly, it won't matter to most. The bookies seem to be offering distorted prices on his next move and once he'll have sorted out the severance package from his contract (due to run until 2010) he'll be able to take a while to consider his options.

So it turned out that the Cantona-esque egg conference was to be his last philosophical rambling with the Chelsea lion stitched to his jacket. For some who have grown jealous of his remarkable tactical ability conjoined with his arrogant post-match wit, they say good riddance. For others, who recognise the need for characters such as Jose in football, he will be sorely missed. For Chelsea fans, the blow is devastating.

How nobody saw it coming boggles the mind. Two draws and a loss from the last three games in all competitions is certainly not great, even without Drogba or Lampard, but cast your mind back to Christmas last year and things were certainly looking just as bleak. It was here that Chelsea lost last season's trophy, scraping a 2-2 draw with Wigan and only managing to cajole the same result against Fulham, before drawing a blank against Villa. Cup wins against lower league opposition did nothing to mask the fact that, without John Terry and Petr Cech, Chelsea were a shadow of their former self, and eventually slumped to a 2-0 defeat to the hands of Liverpool. Played four, won zero, drawn three, lost one. Three points from a possible twelve. Sound familiar?

In the notorious 'sack race' at the start of the season, indifferent starts are often cited as the main reason for when the axe is swung. Chelsea's start may not yet be as bad as their Christmas form of before (yet), but it's the timing of the poor run that's all important.

Speaking of timing, the circumstances surrounding the final hours of Jose's reign are a sight to behold. Manager and squad alike go to the cinema not far from Stamford Bridge to watch DVD of the last three years premiere at the cinema. Essentially, this new DVD is a celebration of Jose's time at the club. If only the producers had waited a little bit longer before taking the final cut to the pressers, they'd have had the timely ending to boot. Meanwhile, an emergency board meeting agrees that the omelet-lover's time is up. A quick meeting later and it's all complete, with the two parties agreeing to a mutual consent departure in the small hours of Thursday morning. The whole thing is hushed - yet how can you expect the fallout to be hushed? Were the board simply hoping that nobody would notice Jose wasn't at his post any more until people started wondering why he wasn't in the dugout Old Trafford? The club's website 'statement' read thus:

Chelsea Football Club and Jose Mourinho have agreed to part company today (Thursday) by mutual consent.

That's not the gist-of-it version, that's the whole statement. Either the club didn't want to get too drawn in on things or the statement-writer was on holiday. It would seem something fishy is going on, and Grant's quick appointment suggest he's known for a while he would be next in line - being good chums with Abramovich helps. Now his first task is to get the dressing room morale back up, bring John Terry back to form, and find a team sans Drogba and Lampard to beat Manchester United. It's going to have to be a Special One.